I need to get this off my chest. It’s hard to remain strong and realistic when something so severe is happening in your life. I guess I need to get it out into text.

My grandpa had a stroke 3 days ago. What was thought to be mild at first turned out to be massive. A clot in his brain burst and filled the right side of his brain and ended up damaging most of his left.

As I sit here it’s getting worse. From 7mm to 10mm from last night. He can’t open his eyes anymore and his trademark clearing of his throat is getting more and more difficult. The neurologist said even with brain surgery there’s so much damaged tissue it’d be irreparable. So it’s just. A painful waiting game.

He stopped taking all of his medication a month ago for his various arthritis, heart, and muscle problems due to them making him depressed. He was trying various alternative medicines but obviously to no avail. Ultimately it was no one’s fault. His decision. And although ultimately it was a bad one, he wanted to live the rest of his life happy and free of medicine. And I respect him for that.

He was my rock since I was a child. I always knew I could count on my grandpa when no one else could help me out. Stubborn and strict, but always the voice of reason. He always wanted what was best for me, even though he’d come off a little abrasive at times. I could always talk to him about my future and all the crazy stuff that would happen at work and he’d laugh and be excited for me about everything. I guess you never realize how important those talks are until you can’t have them anymore.

But I’m focusing on the good times. It is inevitable about the future, but his advice and wisdom will always live through me and be with me.

I just miss him a lot.